what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize