You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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