I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize