That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
