My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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