here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
