Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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