I puked a lego.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
