I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
