the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
