just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think i just lost a toe
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
