I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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