I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
