You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
