Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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