i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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