I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
