Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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