drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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