Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
