bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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