i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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