Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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