For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
