Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
whose parrot is this?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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