Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if only i could text you this smell
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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