I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize