i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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