So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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