So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
