You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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