Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
