if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
