I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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