is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
