Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
