dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
