I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
