he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
