True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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