i just wanna soil my oats bro
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
