I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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