Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
