I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
