I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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