it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
