Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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