so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can I color on your dick again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
