dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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