You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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