this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
