i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
