Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
