I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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