It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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