i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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