Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
