I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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