he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
