Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
