It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
