I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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